It has been a strange few months, and it's easy to become discombobulated when there is this whole energy soup bubbling up in the world around us. When I feel like this, I tend to go quiet and give myself time to regroup—you know, pull myself in from all the places where I've left bits and pieces of myself. When I feel scattered or all over the place, it's because I am, and I need to come back from where I've been placing my attention. Energetically, it's easy to be pulled into the soup pot forever! So while I'm doing all this reigning in, I also attempt to unravel the knots on those energy threads as I gather them up, and I ponder a lot.
This time, I've been pondering the whole concept of healing, particularly all the conundrums I put in a box or a corner and felt were more comfortable out of sight, and how I even felt 'healed' from them - for a while.
But over the years, I learned the hard way that putting things away does not heal the pain or soothe the angst. It just means they're over there collecting more dust. I eventually found a way to invite them back and embrace them as part of myself. They, and I, relaxed with a sigh of relief.
My spiritual journey wasn't a profound awakening or a big story - it started uneventfully in the 70's in black painted rooms with velvet couches on Hot August Nights, smoking Alpine, Camel Unfiltered or other such things. Patchouli on my pulse points and burning in the incense pots with Red Red Wine in the glasses, and on the quadrophonic. We questioned all that came through the haze but didn't protest too much - that was the era before. But we thought about it as the New Age movement bobbed up.
This thought program had me reading weirdly titled self-help books about astrology, cosmic libraries, the mind, the soul, near-death experiences and trying to understand the curious 'new' teachings of quantum mechanics, universal laws or study how to make miracles happen. I would write bad poetry and read a lot, none of which I understood, but still felt weirdly helpful. Mostly, I was happy to wear flowing kaftans and clogs, meditate a lot, and sit on a Proverbial Rock while listening in reverence to Sincerely L. Cohen and Neil Young. My Heart of Gold felt 'together' except when it broke, and I'd revisit some rabbit holes.
It was a good time. I got a job and then another in an industry that promoted dreams. I stayed in that industry for decades later, but here I was, young, with blinkers on, and didn't know anything about anything, so it wasn't that hard. I loved all the philosophical conversations and felt egoically 'empowered' in small ways to work things out for myself. I danced in the moon, loved the music (maybe not disco) and the curiousness of it all.
The 80s got all grown up and started to get serious, but flashy and strange. We wore shoulder pads and big hair. And, it was so busy, hectic - and fast. I birthed businesses and, in retrospect, the spiritual looked more like Star Wars as sci-fi bloomed.
Then, in the 90s, I added children to a world that was now entrenched in the hedonistic lifestyles of all and every, even in the dreams. Alternative spirituality mixed with raves and political reform came careering along the world stage with technology. It all seemed at odds with the priorities of paying mortgages and creating more debt. But we did what was expected of us, and all stepped up to fly higher and work much harder. It was a wildly creative time for self-expression, but it was easy to get lost. I lost a lot of people dear to me at that time. It all seemed a bit like death, disease and destruction while everyone was still partying. This was the age and the stage. Many struggled, but most didn't know they were. We could have all stepped out, but we didn't, and as my version of the world spiraled down, we all attempted to stay upright.
As the 2,000's landed after the scare of Y2K, the spiritual made a comeback, emphasising picking ourselves up with self-care. It was no wonder I needed help getting back to my meditative rock! I couldn't find it on my own to sit on. So, with a deep breath, I went to someone who channels our cosmic families and speaks wisely in a way I wanted to listen to. It was gently suggested by an Angel to go back to my yoga practice and explore Reiki. It may help me centre and cope better. So I did. And it did. Sage advice.
I started my Reiki journey not because I consciously felt I needed 'healing' but because I was struggling to cope with the challenges that exploded on my pathway. I didn't even think for a moment that I might be broken, or sick or diseased; I just knew I needed some tools to navigate the pressures of life and to stop me spinning into overdrive.
But for some reason, not long after I started this path, I gathered and took on the belief that I needed a LOT of healing. I wasn't aligned, I wasn't centred, my chakras were blocked, I was anxious and worried, and therefore, something must be wrong, and I needed to heal. The context of healing can be viewed as an assumption that something is/was wrong, and I don't believe this is true for everyone. However, this came in from so many different sources during my exploration, but always in a very subliminal way. I began to absorb this belief without realising I was. So, off I went with a quest to heal. And because I had so many people in my circle that were also so 'broken' I boldly thought I could help them too.
It was not the Reiki or meditation I practiced that necessarily took me there. It was my own belief system and the fact that I was looking for answers outside of myself. I subconsciously expected that if I learned this thing, then everything would be all right.
My Reiki and my rock helped a lot, but I had to do the work myself while I practiced the principles and sat quietly with myself. When I realised I was in my own way, my practice helped me shift back to myself—but it didn't 'fix' me. It couldn't because I now know I didn't need fixing and never did. I wasn't broken. I was living. I was experiencing things.
Over time, this soul nurturing showed me a way to fully experience my life story and be present with all that goes on. As I attuned more and more to the universe, I was able to illuminate my understanding of my life path. Life provided me with the opportunities and situations to steady, expand, change, soothe, nurture, or let go of my perceptions—or not. It was and is all a choice.
My practice has enabled me to find a way to grow my soul in the fantastic realm of human existence, which has been profoundly healing. I choose to use a particular practice because I enjoy it and it resonates with me, but I'm not saying you must surrender to the divine on a meditation rock or a Reiki table!
Look, I know I'm wafting here. What I'm trying to say is that we may not NEED the healing we seek—we may just need space and the trust to follow our intuition. We're not broken; we don't need to heal; we just need to know or remember what we know.
If we take the time to go within, it is an inside job. I met a woman the other day who has slowly realised that she is a spiritual being in a human body. She is feeling into her body and soul, recognising the changes, and exploring how she interacts with the world differently. She's organically awakening. She's in tune with herself. She's not in a hurry. She needs to talk, explore, and understand, but she's filtering everything through her inner knowing. It is an inspiring and exciting shift in consciousness. In this era, more and more people are naturally coming into their multi-dimensionality and their spiritual potential. They trust themselves.
It's the Age for all of this. It's in the stars. It's on the charts. It's likely unavoidable for many, and for those who understand what I'm saying, it's non-negotiable. It is happening.
But sometimes, for some like me who got waylaid in life, we may need a Rock to give us somewhere to sit before we work on ourselves. And we may need another's support. And that's okay. Use the tools, techniques, practices, and processes that feel right. That may be a friend's shoulder or a two-week retreat. It could be a session with sound bowls or many sessions with a counsellor. But try to walk with yourself, too, as you explore another's path.
Try not to rely on someone or something else to FIX you, HEAL you, or make your problems disappear. This will keep you small and frightened and lead you further and further away from your innate knowing. Instead, pick a support to show you where you are and where you can go. Let them light your pathway, and then be free of dogma or rules or processes as you explore your expansion and nurture your soul without your sacred progress being influenced by choices other than your own.
It's your journey, your life. And it might fast-track or take a lifetime, as it has for me—so if you haven't started your exploration, you may as well start soon in your own unique, beautiful way. You may need some patchouli, but don't delay. Take a leap of faith in yourself and go deep. Find yourself there. The world needs us to find ourselves.
As we enter this new era, this critical transition for all of humanity, whether you choose to work with a support, a rock or not, it is time for us to float our own boat. Rely on yourself, your perfect, whole, complete, and precious self. Empower yourself with all available, but always know that YOU are what you need. YOU are what you are looking for.